In an episode of the TV Reality Series, “Fear Factor”, a seemingly dumb-blonde-Barbie-Doll-like babe made it to the last round for a shot at the $50’000 prize. She got there not because she qualified for it. In the first round, a hunk of a guy who was the favourite to win, made a mistake and got the boot while our blonde heroine moved to the next round by simply completing her task. In the second round, she went up against another girl who’s timing sucked more than the blonde’s even though it seemed like the blonde didn’t really push that hard to win it.
So here she is in the final round and everyone is making fun of her and saying mean things about her. She seems to be miles away in her thoughts when Joe, the host, asks her if she was ready for the final challenge. The time set by her opponent was a very challenging one but she is seemed undaunted anyway.
The clock starts and she stays perfectly put with her eyes closed while everyone is shouting at her to get going. She takes her time, takes a breath and executes the task. Although she completes the task, her time sucked. She accepts her defeat and takes the walk of shame.
As she walks away in slow motion, you hear her thoughts;
“I will go away from this knowing that I didn’t lose because I lost. Every stage of the competition I completed was a victory to me because I didn’t lose to myself. I had a plan, I executed the plan and I didn’t give up till I completed the plan.
I go away, knowing that I will be stronger and better, simply because I will never allow myself to give up, even when it’s obvious that I can’t win.”
We’re faced with all sorts of challenges and resistance in our lives, our work and even from our family members sometimes. You’ve heard it all before like …
… the time you wanted to embark on a new venture and your family members discouraged you for fear for themselves rather than you, …
… or when you worked your butt off to get that promotion and your colleagues told you it was a waste of your time and effort, …
… or when you wanted to lose those extra kilos but a voice in your head told you that you’re tired or that today is not a good day or that there was some other thing that needed to be done.
It’s always too easy to take the easy way out, to live in denial and to sweep our obvious problems under that proverbial rug.
But those things always come back to haunt us … until we choose to address the issue and overcome them. And when we don’t make the hard choices, we live to regret it.
As a kid, we were adventurous, inquisitive and curious. We always asked questions and we always wanted to know why, what and how. We had dreams and needs.
But as we grew, made friends and had relationships, we changed and became largely influenced by the people who surrounded us. We stopped thinking for ourselves and starting thinking about ourselves. We stopped needing and started wanting. We started comparing ourselves to those we admired and idolised while belittling those who weren’t up to our pretentious standards. We got caught up with material trappings and cosmetic disguises. We cared less for who we truly were inside as long as we looked good on the outside. People’s opinions mattered more than our own values and ethics. Entitlement replaced conscience, elitism erased empathy and attitude over-ruled humility.
“We” stopped existing when “I” was realised.
“You” became unimportant when “Me” was all that mattered.
We got engulfed with pride and envy, we lusted for things we didn’t need, we got lazy while we got greedy for more, we got gluttonous when we already had enough and we got angry when we didn’t get more.
And when things went awry, we became afraid of what we used to be curious about when we were kids. We daren’t venture. We cowered when it came to taking a chance. We blamed when things went against us. We complained when things didn’t work out. We found excuses to cover our weaknesses. We lived in denial to gloss over our failings.
Then we become more reserved about everything, anything and everyone, we get defensive to avoid failure, we get offended when we feel challenged, we fake it when we can’t make it and we get aggressive to camouflage our shame.
You know, it could have been a lot different? All you had to do was make the right choice to begin with. The good news is that it’s never too late to make that change. All you have to do is choose.
“You must realize that fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create.
Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.”
~ Will Smith as General Cypher Raige in After Earth
It’s not going to be easy, obviously. But then, you’ve been having it easy already that’s why you’re in the shit you are in and reading this article so intently, right? Time for challenge and change.
It will be a test of your character because you will be pushing the limits of your faith, fortitude and perseverance. This test alone is very daunting for most people and they mostly give up even before considering the possibilities. You see, it is much easier to live in a comfort zone called “ignorance” with a good old friend named “Naivety”.
When you do take that first step, the urge to quit will be all too tempting and easy because it’s too difficult to live with the hard choices. Everything becomes impossible except finding excuses, blaming and complaining. Most people would prefer not to risk it because of the fear of failure and probably the loss of face. They will claim that they are risk-averse or that they don’t need the added stress. What happens next is that they become the very people that discourage and put down others who want to give it a go and are hungry for more. They join in the chorus of nay-sayers because the majority can’t be wrong, right?
In the age of Instant Gratification, virtues like patience and tolerance have been forgotten. It would be wise to remember that anything built in haste, never last. Worse, some pretend to have when they actually have not and will spend money they don’t have to buy things they don’t need to impress people that don’t really matter in order to maintain that false front. Pride will precede common sense because it will be shameful to admit that the surface didn’t have the foundation to support it because it was built hastily to meet instant gratification wants.
That hollow foundation will collapse the moment you run out of resources to maintain that false front. I will never understand why anyone puts themselves through such burdens and stresses to uphold something so worthless and hollow. You cannot, in all good conscience, be happy about being so fake and dishonest.
It can be so much simpler and satisfying if you chose prudence over pride.
Prudence is the result of humility and humility breeds empathy and charity. Instead of asking and wanting selfishly, these values open your eyes to the needs of others. No one can impress upon you the beauty of giving and paying it forward if you choose to keep your selfish and entitled nature. You will remain small minded and insignificant until you realise that life is not all about you but can revolve around you when you start giving without expectations. And those who have taken this path, know how enlightening and empowering it is to be in such a position.
The only recipient of this change will be you and only you. And you are the only one that matters because when you’re happy, contented and living life to the fullest, you’re going to give this same advice to someone you know that is living a life you used to live.
Ultimately, you are going to challenge yourself against yourself and no one is going to judge you for it. If anyone does judge you, just tell yourself that that judge needs a dose of wake-up and get-real. You only need to be accountable to yourself. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t matter as long as you are making progress that you are happy with. Even if you don’t attain the targets you set, you would have made progress simply by having taken the effort to make that change.
The only person you need to be better than, is the person you were yesterday. After that, it will never matter what others may think about you. In fact, you’ll find that you might just be someone else’s motivation to do better. The satisfaction and gratification you get from that is priceless … and extremely motivational. It will drive you to achieve more because success breeds more success.
It all starts with you choosing to be better than you were. Just ask our blonde friend from Fear Factor …
“I will go away from this knowing that I didn’t lose because I lost. Every stage of the competition I completed was a victory to me because I didn’t lose to myself. I had a plan, I executed the plan and I didn’t give up till I completed the plan. I go away, knowing that I will be stronger and better, simply because I will never allow myself to give up, even when it’s obvious that I can’t win.”
Have a great week and month ahead!
Copyright © Pattern Trader™ by Conrad Alvin Lim. All Rights Reserved
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Conrad Alvin Lim has been an on-line trader since 2004. Today, he runs FinancialScents Pte Ltd (incorporating Pattern Trader™ Tutorial & Tools), the starting ground for many novice retail traders and has groomed many an institutional trader, financial analysts, bunker traders, dealers, brokers, remisiers and financial graduates from all over the world. More importantly, the Tutorial has outlived almost all its peers in continuously supporting and growing its graduates well into its second decade.
He is known for his unique and simplified blend of Macroeconomics and Financial Management for his Defensive and Psychological approach to trading and is sought after for his intimate knowledge of Macroeconomics, Sector Rotation, Defensive Analysis, Financial Psychology and short-term trading techniques.
To find out more, visit conradalvinlim.com
